Coffee and Cigarettes...

It is one of those rare moments when everyone in the house is napping (except me). I drank a little too much coffee to take a nap right now.

My very good friend Maria, who I've mentioned in my blog before (and, everyone, she is a total Rock Star, by the way), gave me one of those Ipods that hold about 10 CD's. It was a life saver in the hospital. After the nurses would wake me up at 3am to check vital signs (yes, I am alive, please let me get some sleep) I sometimes would not be able to fall back to sleep. So, I'd turn on my Ipod and listen to chanting or music and would then be able to fall asleep. And then there were times in the afternoon when I just couldn't read anything and watching TV would about drive me crazy... I would turn on my music and just lay back and listen. Rob/Paul uploaded about 5 CD's onto it for me to listen to in the hospital. He even put on two U2 CD's (How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb and the greatest hits 1990-2000). Ok, so I haven't spent a lot of time listening to the greatest hits CD... I really think that the 90's were not u2's greatest time period... they are sounding much better now. But two lines from two different songs have stuck with me...

From Electrical Storm (and this has to do with my sudden fall back into the world of caffeine (I had been caffeine free for 2 1/2 years... but lack of sleep will drive even the strongest of us to fall into the depths of caffeine use))... and this is really just one line from the song so here goes:
Coffee is cold, but it'll get you through...
OK, this totally applies to me now. I actually will drink cold coffee... because, hey, it's caffeine and it will "get me through" the day, the next hour, the next ten minutes. I need that added buzz to get myself going:)

From Stay (Far Away, So Close)... this has to do with my earlier post regarding cigarettes and times when I feel like I just need to smoke. I don't feel like I need to smoke right now... I think I can handle only one "drug" at a time and caffeine is it for now:)
Green light, seven eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don’t smoke, don’t even want to
I see you check your change
The whole idea of not smoking and, yet, buying a pack of cigarettes... although, in my post on smoking, I was writing about WANTING to smoke a cigarette, but knowing that I won't, ever. Maybe I can change the lyrics... Just kidding... wouldn't tough U2's lyrics with a ten foot pole:)

So, this post is not really that profound or that interesting. My forty days ends this Sunday. So Baby Petros and I will be going to church on Sunday. I have been trying to take this 40 days seriously since Petros has come home... he has only left the house to go to doc. appt. That's it. I'm starting to feel a bit of cabing fever... but I know that it is better for him (and probably better for me, too) to stay home. We have had a difficult few months.

Thoughts on a Sunday Morning...

It is Sunday morning. Everyone has gone to church. It is just Baby Petros and I at home. Next Sunday will be our 40 days so we will go to church for a special blessing. And then we will be able to go to church after that.

I keep thinking about how hard we prayed to have Petros. And then, watch out what you pray for because you just might get it. And God does not give you things the way you (or I) want them... they come the way He wants them. Not that I have any regrets (no, seriously, I do not), this baby definitely had a price (and it was my spleen:)

I keep thinking about how much Pavlos has changed. I cried in my hospital room on his first day of school because I couldn't be there. I'm his mommy and I couldn't be there. I am now taking him to school and picking him up. But I wasn't there the first day. He's going to be so disappointed that this week is Spring Break and there will not be school because he loves it!

I keep thinking about how I do not even know what day of the week it is (I only know it's Sunday because Rob/Paul told me it was Sunday). The pediatrician's office called me Thursday morning to confirm that we have an appt. at 9am tomorrow. I replied, "No, we have an appt. on Friday." And they said, "Tomorrow is Friday." Ok. Yes, you are right, tomorrow is Friday. We did make it to the appt. despite my inability to remember what day it is. I feel as if I have lost so much time that now I cannot keep track of it. And today is March 26 (at least, that's what my computer is telling me). Where did the last two months go? I am coming out of the fog of yucky medications and staying in the hospital but I can't even remember what day of the week it is... am I making progress?

We have some wonderful ladies in our parish who are making meals for us this week. It has been a blessing to not have to think about what's for dinner. And it has also been a blessing to see friends from church and have a little adult conversation. And show off Baby Petros.

That is if for thoughts on Sunday morning... I hope you weren't expecting anything too deep because, remember, I don't even know what day of the week it is!!!

Oh, by the way, happy feast day yesterday and happy nameday to my nouno (godfather) who is Evangelos. And happy Greek Independence Day (also yesterday). The mayor of Portland declared yesterday as everyone's Greek Day.

Going Home...

We are going home tonight. So today I have to go grocery shopping for perishable items (I did my non-perishable shopping last week). We have been out of our home since mid-January. Two months. Oh, we've gone back to pick up mail and to clean the house and get baby stuff out of the attic. But we haven't lived in our home for two months. Let's just say I paid the electric bill the other day and it was $30. Probably because we had the thermostat set to 55 degrees and we had that "winter storm" of snow. I don't know if anyone else in Portland had an electric bill for the month of February that was that low:) And I'm posting on my blog because Pavlos is at school right now and Petros is sleeping. And, even my mom is sleeping:) I don't know if I should continue posting on this blog or go back to my other blog. Maybe I will make this a photo blog. I don't know. I do know that I am going to print out this blog for Petros' baby book. And when he is older, I can totally lay a guilt trip on him. Most mom's can only say... I carried you for nine months but I get to say, "I gave up my spleen for you." Just kidding, I would never do that. But it is kind of funny:) That's all for now. Thanks, everyone, for reading and for all of your prayers. I have been able to reconnect with old friends and have made new ones (who I haven't met, yet) through the blogosphere. It has been an experience. Ok, maybe I will use this blog to process what happened in the coming months. When I am able!!!

Pavlos and Petros

Ok, so mom is feeding Petros and I thougth I just had to post this picture for everyone. Pavlos loves his baby brother. When he cries, Pavlos goes to him and says, "It's ok, Baby Petros, it's ok." And he brings me his blanket and stuffed animals. So far I am very happy with his reaction to the baby. We even talked about taking him to our house and Pavlos likes the idea. But then he said he also wants to get a dog. I guess you can tell how excited Pavlos is about his little brother by the look on his face in the picture:)

He's coming home...

They are going to discharge Petros today. I am going to go pick up Rob/Paul at work at around 2pm and we are heading to the hospital. I hope we don't have to go back to St. Vincents for a very long time. That's all for now. And now that we are going to have a baby in the house, I don't know when I will be posting again:)

Just Me and Pavlos

Mom went back to work today. So it's just me and Pavlos at home. We don't even have a car (we cut back to one car when we bought our home because the bus runs right by our house so we do not really need a second car). Pavlos is playing right now and I am typing this blog entry, of course. We are going to make some rice krispie treats later today. Pavlos likes to cook. And I am waiting to get my daily phone call from Petros' doctor to see if he is coming home today or tomorrow. It is too early, right now, to hear from the doctor. I don't know what else Pavlos and I are going to do today. I am going to do some laundry because we are going to start moving some of our things back to our house this weekend. If they discharge Petros today, then my dad will come and take care of Pavlos while I go pick up Rob/Paul from work to go to the hospital. The benefit of dad owning his own business. And my brother has today off from work. Anyway, will keep everyone posted if I hear anything about when Petros is coming home!

labs and doctor appts.

Hematocrit is 42. That's normal. I'm to stop taking one of my meds completely and we are doing a quick tapering down of prednisone. I will be off of it completely by next week. Woo hoo! Then I will just be taking my normal meds. Thank goodness. I'm so ready to be off this nasty stuff. My doctor is very pleased. So am I.

Petros is doing well. We are all ready for him to come home. They are still saying tomorrow or Friday. I'm getting impatient. Ok, I admit, I've been impatient for a while. But I am really getting impatient to get him home. And I'm impatient to get us back to our home. I'd go tomorrow, but that would probably not be good for me to do. I want to wait until Petros is with us and then have my parents around for their help with Pavlos and then go home next week. That's all for now.

Petros coming home?

So today the doctor called and Petros will be coming home Thursday or Friday. This is the first time they have been somewhat definite about when he is coming home (all the other times have been precluded by maybe Wednesday). So, we shall see. We are all going to go see him this evening. Rob/Paul or I go at least once a day, sometimes twice. The drive is a bit of a killer from my parents home. It is all freeway, but without traffic, it's a good thirty minutes. I drove last night for the first time since mid-January. That was fun. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow with my hematologist. We will be checking levels and continue to reduce prednisone. I think I have finally purchased everything that we need for the baby to come home. We went to Target today. Yesterday we went to my all time favorite place, Walmart. AAGGGHHH! But, I have to buy this special formula and Walmart carries it. I think Albertson's does too but there isn't an Albertson's close to our house. And there's a Walmart up the road (lucky us... well, actually, it's up the road from my parents home.. so not our home). That's all for now. Thursday or Friday Petros will be coming home. Yeah!!!!

Here's my Pavlos... just because:)

Here's my Pavlos! I figured he needed some picture time on the blog, too. He now looks at pictures of Petros and says they are Petros, not him. I honestly don't know how he is going to react when we actually bring Petros home. Fortunately, we will be here for a few days and Pavlos will still have lots of adult attention (from my parents and us). And then my mother in law will be coming next week so that will be a big help so I can focus some attention on Pavlos. I'm halfway through my forty days. Baby Petros is three weeks old today. That's all for now!

Almost forgot... I wanted to link to Mimi's blog. She has written out an very uplifting conversation between an Elder and a monk. It perfectly describes the state of mind I am in right now. A bucket of muddy water that I now know will clear up in a few months time (with work, of course). Anyway, reading it touched me so much (and we actually have the book that it came from and I probably read it a few years ago and have forgotten it... that's what is so wonderful about "words of wisdom"... a few years ago, this was not meant to touch me and now, I am beginnning to understand the meaning of this short conversation).

He's off the monitor!

Petros is now off of the heart monitor. That means he is now attached to absolutely nothing! They are saying that he will probably be able to come home after Wednesday. He has been eating really well the last few days and gaining weight. Check out my mom's blog to see a picture of Petros with Yiayia. That's all to report today. We will probably go back to the hospital again this evening so Paul/Rob can see the baby today (mom and I went this morning while dad, Paul/Rob, and Pavlos went to Sunday of Orthodoxy services at Holy Trinity).

They took out the feeding tube:)

Petros no longer has the feeding tube in his nose. They will only put it in if he has a bad feeding! So we are that much closer to bringing him home. This morning he took his entire feeding from the bottle. And we are continuing to proceed through the different discharge stuff that we need to go through. From what it looks like, maybe the middle of this week to the end of the week he can come home.

Paul/Rob and I went to our home today and cleaned. We also put together the baby swing and the changing table and other baby stuff. But mostly, it was a time to get the house cleaned up so that when we do move back home, it will be one less thing for me to do. It was nice to be home. And it was nice to do some work (don't worry, I limited the things that I did). But I am feeling so much better.

My mother in law is in the process of getting her plane ticket. She is hoping to come the week of March 21 and stay through Pascha (Easter). We are so excited to have her come! And for that long of a period of time! I may have to have Pavlos' birthday at the end of April (his birthday is May 11) just so we can celebrate it with grandma! It will be good to have her here.

That's all for now. Pavlos went to a special class at the hospital for siblings of NICU patients. This is the first time we were able to take him to this class. It is only on Saturdays. Hopefully he won't have to go next Saturday because Petros might be home by then!!! I feel like things are starting to really come together... and that's a nice feeling.

updates on petros...

Baby Petros had his "naming" today. He is doing very well, according to his doctor. Last night Rob/Paul, my dad and I went to see him. He drank 40mll for us. That's the most he's done. And he continues to eat better. He passed the car seat test (they put him in his carseat for 90 minutes and monitor how he's doing). So we are doing all the things that we need in order to get him ready to come home. I'm still recovering. It's a slow process. Tapered down to 60 mg. prednisone. Last night, I actually slept more than 5 hours. That's about all for now. Now, when we go in to see Petros and he's awake, he's so alert. And he is awake more now that he's getting older. Oh, he is also checking in at a weight of 6lbs. 2ozs. Pavlos was 5lbs 15ozs when he was born.

snow in march?!?!?

So who else in Portland thinks the weather is a little crazy today. It snowed. The snow in Vancouver has pretty much melted. But out at the hospital it was sure coming down. It's March 9 and it's snowing. I don't remember it ever snowing this late in the winter.

Today we went to the hospital, of course. I had a short appointment with my surgeon who is amazing. I love her dearly. I'm healing up nicely. Saw Petros for a little while, but couldn't stay long because we had Pavlos with us. Poor Pavlos. He hasn't even met his little brother. He's seen pictures and at least now is pointing to them and saying that's baby petros. They won't let you in the NICU unless your 12 years old. After that we decided to venture to Target. We received a gift card from Rob/Paul's work. It's the first time since I've been to a store in weeks. It was a bit of a surreal experience. Overwhelming, actually. But I was able to get everything I had on my list.

Tomorrow, if the weather doesn't keep us from the hospital, Fr. Theodore will meet us there to do the eighth day blessing (even though it's been more than eight days since Petros was born).

report from petros' doctor

Petros' doctor left a message for me today. He is doing very well and will probably be able to come home within the next week. Woohoo!

Tonight, while Paul/Rob, Pavlos, and my dad (Pappous) went to pre-sanctified liturgy, mom and I went to my home to pick up the mail and drop off some things. Then we snuck off to our favorite Lebanese restaurant so I could finally get my schwarma fix. It was awesome (Presv. Elizabeth... you guys should try it. It's called Ya Halla and they serve tons of vegetarian and vegan food... mom can attest to that because she ate a lenten dinner this evening). It was delicious. And my very best friend Maria told me earlier today that I deserved to have the schwarma. Thanks, Maria (and we missed you tonight).

Hagia Sophia... restore to Orthodox Church Petition

This is worthy of linking to... please pass this along on your blogs or through email.

"The European Union Parliament is pressuring the Turkish Government to restore Saint Sophia Cathedral from a museum into a Greek Orthodox Church. However the Parliament has set a requirement of 1.000.000 signatures on a petition before it makes this conversation a prerequisite for Turkey's admission into the European Union. You are requested to cast your vote by logging on to a link at www.hagiasophiablog.com. This is an opportunity for each of you to have an impact on world events. Get as many Greek Orthodox, other Orthodox and Christian friends of yours to sign the petition and make history."


Other news... I'm tapering down on the prednisone and Petros ate 38 mll. for me today which is more than he has ever done. He needs to do 50, though. We're still working on it:)

more pics...

Today... feeling even better. Here are some actual pictures of me with Petros. Go figure. The mommy actually in a picture with her baby. I'm having trouble sleeping at night. I figure it's due now to the high levels of prednisone I'm on (still). We are tapering, but it can be such a long, drawn out process. And now that I'm getting out of the anemia zone (which was making me so tired and I slept a lot) AND I'm completely off of any type of pain meds from surgery, I'm just not sleeping well at night. But I'm feeling great... so right now that's the trade off. And maybe I'm just getting myself into mommy training for when Petros comes home... gotta love the 3am feedings!

lab results...

Went to the doctor just to have labs drawn. Hematocrit is 36. Woohoo! that's almost normal. I'm feeling good, still going slow, but getting stronger everyday. I was ablet o feed Petros this morning. He drank half his bottle, more than he has ever done. But he needs to be able to drink the whole thing. So he's making progress. Pavlos spent the morning with his nouna (godmother) so that I could get to the hospital. He had fun. I had my mom take pictures of me with the baby because we don't have any with me in them (I'm always the family photographer... never the photographee). I will try to post some later today. Especially because Petros was so alert this morning:) Yesterday I did a "normal" person thing... I plucked my eyebrows. I know, it sounds kind of dorky, but it just seems to be those little things that are so good to be able to do. And yesterday was Kathera Devtera (literally clean Monday) so I helped mom clean out the fridge for Lent. We get rid of all the foods we can't eat for the next forty days (although, really, mom made a shelf of foods that only Pavlos and I can eat because we are not fasting). But we did clean out the whole fridge, too which is always a good things to do. It's a Greek practice to do this on the first day of Lent. I don't now if the other Orthodox ethnic groups have a similar tradition. Anyway, I'm trying to do my little part of Lenten things around here. Even though I can't go to church until my 40 days post having the baby (although I now right now I couldn't make it to church anyway). My 40 days falls on April 1. Which means I will be able to celebrate Pascha/Easter this year (my due date was April 5 and I thought I would not be able to celebrate Pascha). So there are small blessings. And I hope by the time April 1 rolls around, Petros will be at home and we will be at home and things will be getting back to normal.

That's all for now... i was so excited to have good lab results for a change.

pictures of petros

Just a couple of pictures of petros. the dates are wrong on the pictures... i actually don't know when these were taken. my dad takes his camera to the hospital everyday and takes pictures. petros is now weighing in at 5lbs. 9ozs. still working on his sucking and swallowing. he's good for about half the feeding and then he starts to fall asleep. but he's only about 35 weeks gestation now which is still early. i'm feeling pretty good. everyday feeling better. ran into my surgeon yesterday on the elevator and she was so happy to see me she gave me a hug. i have great doctors.

tried to post earlier today...

I tried to post earlier today but it didn't post:) I know that has happened to everyone at least once in their blogging life. It was about struggling and how we do not even comprehend the true definition of what it means to struggle. I woke up this morning thinking of my pappous in Greece. Here is a man that I know. He's 90 years old and has lived a very long, full life. The first ten years of his life, his father was fighting in WWI and then fought the communists. Ten years. He didn't even know his father for the first ten years of his life. Can you imagine what his mother had to live through.. not knowing whether or not her husband was alive or dead? And they were hungry because everyone was poor. That's struggling. And we can't comprehend this type of struggle.

forgiveness

Today is forgiveness sunday in the orthodox church. please forgive me if i have hurt any of you, whether in knowledge or in ignorance.

home...

Just wanted to let all of you know that I am at my parent's home now. Pavlos keeps wanting me to pick him up but I can't do that yet. If you need to get a hold of me, you can call me at 360-253-4984. That's all for now. I am feeling ok. And I am very happy to be out of the hospital.

i forgot to add...

I don't know my lab results for today... but yesterday morning, post surgery, my hematocrit had risen from 25 to 29 already. We are now waiting on my labs for today. And we have already started cutting back on the prednisone. I don't know exactly when today I will leave today, but I am leaving today. It's a miracle for me to even think about it. And I know that in the next few weeks I have lots of things to reflect on, to think about. This whole experience and how it has and will affect me physically, spiritually, emotionally, all those aspects of my life. And how it has affected Paul, Pavlos, Petros, my mom and dad and the rest of my family. And friends and church community. I truly thank all of those friends that have out of the blue called from all over the US just to check up on me. And I truly thank all those friends that I have never even met (my online friends) who have been a constant support through email and prayers. So this is the beginning of my reflections.... maybe I should start a third blog:)

paul's updates

paul was the one that posted about me getting through surgery. it is friday march 3. i'm pretty sure i'm going home today, just not sure when. i am recovering nicely from surgery. i am now able to get up out of bed (that's just been really in the last hour) without nurses assistance. i guess i had a secondary, very small spleen in addition to the "normal" spleen. they removed both of them:) i'm tired, sore, etc. yesterday the NICU nurse brougth petros in to see me for 20 minutes. that was definitely a treat. they are really working hard on getting him to drink from a bottle so that he can go home. that's the only thing he has to do at this point (because he is gaining weight and he is maintaining his body temperature). i'm feeling more human because i can now get up out of bed. although i can't be up for too long. i'll keep you posted as to when i actually leave this place. we are so close to the end! thanks for all your well wishes and prayers...

A quick note...
Christina made it through surgery and is recovering in her room. Please remember her in your prayers.

check out this article about lent...

So here's something that has nothing to do with hospitals. I guess many Protestants are starting to look at Lent in a new light. Check out this article. Obviously, there is absolutely no mention of the forgotten religion that has kept faithful to 200o years of fasting during Lent (i'm talking about Orthodoxy). Where we don't eat fishsticks during lent. Or abstain from meat only on Fridays (I think that's what it said in the article). It miffs me when Orthodoxy is left out of all discussion. Like we don't even exist. They do that on lots of religion specials on the History Channel... they ask theologians about the early church and none of them are Orthodox. And yet, they use footage from Orthodox churches in Holy Land. Maybe it's because we are so quaint. So, anyway, here is another article that ignores us. OH, one other thought. Protestants that are trying to practice fasting and lent... they end up missing the point. It's not about the fasting. And during lent we do so much more than just fast. We need the support of the extra services to focus our prayers, fasting, almsgiving. ok, that's all for now.

march 1 update...

It was a very long night. They have me on an insulin drip and so they have to check my blood sugars every hour. Needless to say, I didn't get a whole heck of a lot of sleep. Surgery will be this afternoon... after 2pm. I don't really have anything new to report except that. Oh, did you know that it is possible that your body can grow another spleen? Isn't that interesting. It's very rare... but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. And the only thing that not having a spleen will really effect is that when I do get sick or start to run a fever, my doc. will most likely put me on antibiotics right away rather than waiting to see what happens. I think I can handle that. They actually kind of already do that to me because I have lupus.

Pavlos is sick. He has a bad cold. Poor guy. He isn't going to school today and my mom is going to try to take him to the clinic. Poor little guy. I hope he feels well soon. That's all for now. It's a long time until 2pm. I don't know when I will be able to post again... maybe tomorrow depending on how everything goes today.